Uncertainties
by Clairisant2000
Summary: What can happen when there are many mix ups in life!


Uncertainties

By: Clairisant

1401 ZULU

JAG HEADQUARTERS

FALLS CHURCH, VA

Juggling a wet umbrella, his briefcase, a sopping overcoat, his cover, and a bagful of bagels (it being his turn to supply the morning munchies) Harm sighed with inward relief as the elevator door opened on his floor. Trying to keep from dripping on the four other people in the elevator had taxed his spatial skills. His relief didn't last long, though, even as the other occupants of the elevator scattered. There at the open door, obviously waiting for him, was Tiner.

"Sir," the petty officer said, anxiety clear in his voice, "the Admiral needs to see you soonest!"

Nodding agreeably, Harm headed for his office first. "Soon as I get rid of this wet stuff, Tiner, I'll be right there."

Tiner pursued him across the bullpen. "Uh, sir," he persisted, "the Admiral really wants to see you right now."

Sturgis, who had entered the bullpen three steps behind them, but was dry and unencumbered and had obviously arrived some minutes before, seconded Tiner's concern. "The Admiral wants to see senior staff right now, Harm."

"Fine," Harm agreed with his most personable smile for both of them, stepping into his office. He dumped the bagels on the desk, dropped the briefcase in a chair, draped the overcoat over the coat rack instead of neatly hanging it on the hanger available, and parked his cover on the console beside his desk. Turning, he picked up the box of bagels and pushed them into Tiner's hands. "Deliver these to the break room, OK?" he said, then moved off to catch up with Sturgis, only a few steps ahead of him just as Mac came out of her office, too.

"So, what's up?" he asked both of them impartially.

"Dunno," was Sturgis' cryptic reply as they walked under the bank of monitors at the side of the bullpen. "I listened to NPR as I was driving in this morning, but didn't hear anything guaranteed to sink the Navy."

"And there weren't any explosions on the TVs that I saw," Mac contributed, tongue-in-cheek, as they entered Tiner's office.

Raising his eyebrows, Harm reached out and knocked politely at the door of the Admiral's office. "Well, I guess we're about to find out."

"Enter," came the Admiral's voice in response to Harm's knock.

The minute they stepped into the office, all three of the senior officers realized that something was definitely up. The Admiral was not seated at his desk, but a single letter lay under his reading light. Instead, he stood in what they all recognized as his thinking place at the window. He had turned back to the office to see who had arrived, but had to have been staring out at the chilly, rainy morning, probably seeing very little of what was outside his window.

"Good morning, sir," Sturgis said, coming to a halt and standing easy.

"Morning, sir," Mac echoed, taking the same stance, and Harm nodded to the Admiral, also taking the pose.

He nodded back. "Appreciate your promptness," he remarked, his eyes going to the letter on his blotter. He sighed noticeably, then added, "You'd better sit down."

All three of them traded swift sideways glances, then took a comfortable leather chair in front of the desk and waited to be enlightened.

The Admiral moved more slowly than usual as he seated himself at the desk, put on his reading glasses, and then looked at the three of them.

"I've got some really bad news," he said quietly...

"I am sure you all remember the blood drive that we had last month…" AJ looked up waiting for their nods. Taking his glasses back off, he pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to find the words for what he had to tell them.

"Sir?" Mac encouraged him.

"I wanted to talk to the three of you first to get suggestions on how to tell the rest of the staff," he paused for a breath, "All blood donated is tested these days for the AIDS virus, our donations were no exception. Unfortunately, there was a mishap at the lab…" there was even a longer pause before once again he stood up and paced to the window.

"There is just no easy way to say this… The vials that were being tested were knocked over and broken. However, before this happened, someone here at JAG tested positive for HIV. They're sending a team over tomorrow to retest everyone."

Stunned silence filled the room. Harm and Sturgis exchanged glances. Mac's eyes never left the Admiral's.

"Sir, I don't think you should tell anyone else this news. There's no need for everyone to be speculating on who it is. There'll be time enough to deal with that when the results are back," Mac spoke up.

"I agree, Colonel. Testing will begin tomorrow and they are putting a rush on this so we should have the results by the next day or the day after at the latest."

"Sir, do you have any idea of what is being done about the mishap itself?" Sturgis asked.

"Yes, I am sending you and Lieutenant Roberts to investigate. With his track record on this kind of thing, he should be a great asset."

Sturgis half rose from his chair to take the file the Admiral handed him, "Use all possible discretion, Commander," he was told.

"Yes, Sir!"

"Remember, keep this to yourselves then," AJ informed them, "Dismissed."

The three left their CO's office and headed to Harm's to talk things over. As they went through the bullpen, Sturgis asked Bud to join them.

"Ma'am, Sirs, what's going on?" Bud asked when they were all in Harm's office with the door closed. "You all look so serious."

"It doesn't get much more serious than this Lieutenant," Sturgis said, and explained what was going on.

A short time later Bud and Sturgis left together for the lab to begin their investigation, leaving Mac and Harm alone in the office. They glanced at each other, neither one wanting to contemplate what it could mean if it were one of them.

Finally, Mac spoke, "Even though I told the Admiral it wouldn't be good for any of us to speculate, I just can't even think of who it might be."

"I know…" he sighed. "It really makes you think, if everyone knew would we all be looking at each other and wondering?"

"Wow I'd hate to see that happen," Mac added.

"We'd better get back to work."

1900 EST

Everyone had already gone home for the evening when AJ packed up his briefcase and walked through the bullpen, or so he had thought. But there was Sarah's office light on; her head was bent over some paperwork on her desk. She had a pen in her hand, but was fiddling with it, not writing. "Colonel? Why are you still here?"

She looked up startled, "Oh, Admiral, I was…um just…"

"Yes, Colonel? Um, just, what?" he grinned.

"Thinking about whom all I would have to contact if it turns out that…" she could not seem to go on.

"I had been thinking about that myself. They said go back seven years to be safe, that must be a long list."

"Sir! Are you implying that I sleep around?" Mac looked hurt at even the idea.

"God NO! I just meant that a woman as attractive as you must have had many… um several… well, seven years is a long time…I mean even I have been with… well, a few women in that amount of time."

"You might be surprised at just how few are on my list, Sir. I mean I have been at JAG that long so Farrow was longer ago than seven years, and Dalton is dead, then there is Mic…"

"And me, Sarah," his gaze seemed to pin her to her chair.

"Sir? We have never had sex Sir! I mean I would've remembered that!" 'Oh god, had she just said that out loud?' Mac hoped not.

He chuckled, "Thank you for that Sarah, but I meant the kiss at the Christmas party."

"It was just a kiss, Sir," but the room suddenly seemed warmer.

"Yes, it was, but if I remember right there was some tongue contact…"

'Warmer? Try steam heat!' she thought. "Yes I seem to remember that too, AJ." 'Damn, Marine! Did you just call him by his first name? Well, he used my first name? Great! Now I am arguing with myself!'

AJ fought down the desire to remind her of every moment of that all too long ago kiss. He forced himself to concentrate on something unpleasant, "And Rabb," he said.

"Harm? What about Harm?"

"He should be on your list…shouldn't he?"

"Damn, you're right, and Bud too!" she exclaimed.

"BUD? You've slept with Bud?" he bellowed.

Mac looked at him as if he had lost his mind, "NO! I have not slept with Bud… OH! You think I have…I HAVE NOT SLEPT WITH HARM!" she assured him, loudly!

"You haven't? Um, not that it is any of my business," he tried to back peddle.

"So I was on your list?" she asked quietly.

"Yes, you are…" he seemed to think better of what he had been about to say. "Let us just hope that neither of us have to ever use our lists, Sa…Ma…Colonel."

"That sounds like a good thing to hope for…Admiral."

"Good-night."

"Good-night, Sir."

1930 EST

Roberts' home

Bud arrived home just as Harriett was putting dinner on the table. "Honey, we need to have a talk as soon as AJ is in bed."

"That doesn't sound good, Buddy."

"I just don't want any distractions."

Two hours later Bud led Harriett over to the couch and taking both her hands in his he said, "Harriett you need to be extra careful at work for the next few days…"

"Careful about what, Bud?"

Bud explained as gently as he could about the situation at work. Since Harriett was pregnant there was no way he wanted her taking any risks.

"Oh, Buddy, how awful for someone! To think that one of our friends has AIDS!" quiet tears were rolling down her cheeks.

"I know honey, but I'm worried about you and the baby."

"I'll be careful, Bud. But let's pray that the tests were wrong, okay?"

"Yes, that's a good idea, honey."

As he lay in bed that night, Bud thought that he was glad there was only one person that he had been with. The girl he had taken to the prom hardly counted…well, he had tried but…maybe it was better not to think about that! But how awful it would be if it were him, he could have infected the one he loved most and she was carrying their child! He would hate himself forever if it were him!

Harriett lay next to her husband that night, thinking of the four other men that she would have to contact if it turned out to be her. Buddy knew that she hadn't been a virgin when they got married, but she knew that he didn't know she had had four other lovers. She would hate to have to admit that to him, he was such a sweet, innocent man!

2000 EST

Sturgis' Apartment

Sturgis was lying in bed and thinking about how it would affect his relationship with Bobbi if it turned out to be him that had tested positive for HIV. In this day and age, there was no way anyone could say for a certainty that they couldn't have contracted the virus. But he'd been careful and selective in his partners over the years, in fact, other than Bobbi, there would only be two other women that he'd have to contact if it turned out to be him. That wasn't his main concern, though, he loved Bobbi and had been thinking about proposing soon, this would change all that. He hated even the thought of having to tell her.

2200 EST

Harm's Apartment

Harm was too restless to sleep, all he could think about was, what if it were him? How that would end his career in the Navy, and he was sure that would mean he could never fly again! Then the problem of contacting all of the sex partners he had had in the last seven years? He had been mentally going over the list for the past hour and was still not sure he had thought of all of them! It would take weeks to contact them all, and some he was sure wouldn't want to hear from him ever again let alone how they would react if he had to deliver this kind of news!

0900 EST

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, VA

The medical crew arrived early and the Admiral told them to set up in the conference room. He informed the staff there had been a mishap at the lab and that they were just doing routine testing. They would call everyone in alphabetical order, starting with Admiral Chegwidden. However, Tiner, being Tiner, (Yeoman, lawyer-in-training, and all-around gossip...) had a feeling something more was up than just routine retesting. When PO Coates, whom he had been dating, came out from her turn and told him they were grilling her with STD- and AIDS- type questions, his speculation ran rampant. When he later found Harriett in the break room sterilizing the general-use coffee mugs, he went into gossip overdrive. Before long, the office was abuzz with rumors.

Bud and Sturgis were continuing their investigation at the lab and would be tested there to save time.

The Admiral had been in his office all morning with the exception of his brief time in the conference room, so didn't realize that the rumor-mill was grinding away outside his door. He came out to go to lunch and saw that Tiner's, "Admiral on deck!" interrupted at least three surreptitious conversations.

"Okay, people, what is going on out here? It certainly doesn't look like work," the Admiral snapped.

Tiner stepped up to say, "Sir, we think that they're here testing us all for AIDS!"

"Well, you are right, Mr. Tiner. They are here testing for AIDS and any other STD that could be passed on through the blood. As I told you, there was an accident at the lab, and some of the samples were broken. Now, before they can allow the blood that we donated to be used, they need to test us. Would you want a transfusion of untested blood, Mr. Tiner?"

"Um, Sir, no, Sir!"

"Then I can assume that the whispered conversations will stop?" AJ asked as his eyes swept the room. He received "Yes, Sirs," from the entire bullpen, and proceeded on to the elevators to go to lunch.

When the Admiral was gone, Mac poked her head into Harm's office to see if he wanted to go to lunch with her. "Whatcha workin' on' Flyboy?" she asked when he didn't look up from the papers on his desk.

"I was just working on a list of…well, of…" Harm hesitated.

"Yeah, I know, I did that last night too…So am I on your list?" she asked in a teasing voice.

"MAC! We've never had sex!" he practically shouted.

"A little louder, Flyboy, I don't think they heard you on the second floor."

"Why would you even suggest that you'd be on my list?" he demanded.

"Harm, any exchange of bodily fluids can pass the virus. We have kissed."

"Oh god, I'm going to need more paper!" he ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

Ever one to be helpful, Mac opened the filing cabinet and pulled out a brand new ream of paper, "Think that'll be enough?" She simply giggled at his answering glare.

The rest of the afternoon was filled with the last of the office staff being tested. One of the last ones to be called into the conference room was Tiner. He made such a big fuss about needing to be sure they were using a clean, new needle that the nurse nearly threatened to get out a used one! When she assured him for the fourth time that everyone got a brand-new needle, he finally sat down and let her draw a sample.

They seemed very interested when he admitted that his stepbrother was gay. Tiner spent a longer time than most answering the extra questions this brought up. The additional time he was in there didn't go unnoticed by the rest of the staff either. Someone brought up the fact that a while back Tiner had been in that gay-bashing incident with Gunny.

Harriett tried to get them to stop spreading those rumors again by reminding them of the trial's outcome. It didn't seem to slow the rumor mill down any. She was very glad when the day was over and she could go home.

0900 EST

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, VA

Tensions were high in the bullpen the next morning. The Admiral had indicated that there was a good chance that the test results would be in that day and everyone seemed to be waiting. Very little was being accomplished.

At the morning staff meeting Sturgis and Bud reported that one of the lab techs reported that the technician that had dropped the vials from the JAG staff had a drinking problem. They were still investigating the allegation.

The look on the Admiral's face at this revelation told just how angry he was at having his staff put through all this because of some drunken mistake.

1600 EST

Mac was in the Admiral's office going over her latest case with him, when the call from the lab finally came through. His eyes met hers when he heard whom the call was from. She might have been crazy, but to her his eyes seemed to say that no matter what the outcome was that they would face it together. Mac didn't know where those thoughts were coming from, but she just seemed to know that that's was what he was thinking.

AJ tried to reassure Mac with his gaze as he waited for the test results, that whatever the outcome he would be there with her and that they would face what ever came together. He didn't know how he knew that she understood, but he did, and he got the feeling that she was trying to convey the same thing to him with her gaze.

Their peaceful communication was shattered when he snarled into the phone, "What the Hell do you mean? After the scare that you have put us all though that now you're telling me that no one in the office is HIV positive after all?" He listened for a moment to the person at the other end of the call. "You have the slide there that does have the blood that tested positive, but you just don't know the name…So you're telling me that this second round of testing failed?…No? Then what ARE you saying?" Again there was a pause while he listened to the caller. He covered the mouth piece of the phone and looked at Mac to ask, "Is there anyone that you can think of that was here last month that wasn't here for this round of testing?"

Mac thought for a moment and replied, "Sir, I can think of only two. Ensign Henderson is out on bereavement leave, her father died and she went to Iowa for the funeral. If I am not mistaken, she left the day before all this started."

"Yes, you're right. And the other, Mac?"

"Lieutenant Singer, Sir. She was here for the blood drive and then transferred to San Diego."

"That's right, even though both she and Harriett couldn't give blood because they were pregnant, they were still tested with the rest of us." AJ reported this information to the person on the phone and waited for a response. "Yes, we will contact both of them and make sure they get tested. Yes, I'll keep you informed," he hung up.

"Mac, can you track down Henderson in Iowa, while I place a call to JAG HQ in San Diego?"

"Yes, Sir, I'll get right on it," she rose and left the room as AJ once again picked up his phone.

AJ was not happy to find out Lieutenant Singer was already on maternity leave when he got through to San Diego. He left word with her new CO that she needed to contact him ASAP on a matter of greatest importance. Mac had better news for him, though; she had managed to speak with Ensign Henderson at her family home. Mac had explained the situation and feeling bad about putting the additional burden on the Ensign at a time like that, however, she still stressed the importance of getting tested as quickly as possible.

When all they could do was wait, AJ thought that it was time to inform the rest of the staff of the results he had received.

Tiner jumped to his feet and called, "Attention on deck!" as usual.

AJ left them standing, "At ease, I'm sure you'd all like to know that I have received the results from the lab about yesterday's testing. Everyone here is fine. All tests came back negative," he paused to make sure that no one had any questions and then added, "As you were," and went back into his office.

Things at the office quickly got back to normal, even if there were still a few lingering sideways glances directed Tiner's way. The lab tech, it turned out, did have a drinking problem. Bud was appointed prosecutor at his hearing and AJ assigned Harm to defend.

Two days passed while they waited for news from San Diego and Iowa. AJ suggested he and Mac both make follow-up calls. Mac found out that Ensign Henderson was due back in Virginia the next day, and her test results should be in also. AJ, on the other hand, was not having any luck with his San Diego call. It seemed that no one was able to locate Lieutenant Singer. Every attempt they had made, failed. Her CO even sent someone to knock on her apartment door, to no avail. They promised to keep trying, but that was all they could do.

The next day, Ensign Henderson was back at JAG with her negative test results. Mac brought the news to AJ in his office.

"That only leaves Lieutenant Singer, then, and San Diego can't find her."

"I never much cared for Loren, but I'd certainly not wish this on her, and in her condition too," Mac sighed.

"Yes, that isn't something you would wish on anyone. I hope she can be found soon. Even though she's the only one not accounted for, I'd still like to have this mystery solved." He got up from his desk to pace to the window.

"I can appreciate that, Sir. The uncertainty is like something hanging over your head."

"And it's something like this that makes you stop and re-evaluate some of the decisions in your life," he looked directly into her soul, it seemed.

"Yes, and how you regret things left undone." She returned the intensity of his gaze.

"I've heard it said that when the end does come, it's the things you didn't do that you regret the most."

"Unfinished things…" she hesitated to say more.

"Like when you put duty before desire…"

"Yes…" she whispered.

"It won't always have to be that way…Sarah. One day desire won't be the road untaken."

"I can wait for that day…AJ. I can wait."

Hopefully Not The End


End file.
